Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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