I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
a search helicopter?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
