Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
