where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
