How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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