Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
