I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
