I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
