idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hippo gnu deer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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