she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
