hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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