i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
