Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
