The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
