Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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