I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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