I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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