I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have demons in me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
