TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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