Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
