Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
