i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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