No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
