Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
