I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
