he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
