that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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