honey bunches of taint.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
