Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
