well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
