We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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