I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
