Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
