I didn't shave. On purpose
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
