Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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