Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
