she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
