Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
