my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
