in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
