Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
too bad you live with your parents still
My balls are so social today.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
