Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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