thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
