Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
