i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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