If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
