A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
