Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
