Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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