just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize