so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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