One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize