Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
