At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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