Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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