im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
