I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
