i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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