I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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