I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i believe in u and ur pee
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize