I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Enjoy the penises
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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