hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
