Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
