I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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