guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
